I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
