I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize