I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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