his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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