When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
