Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
