If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
These tits shall not be calmed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
