she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
