There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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