Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
