I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Two words: blizzard sex
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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