I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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