And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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