awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
