weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
