if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
