She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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