I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
