Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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