We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
