I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
