she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
