508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
