Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
