I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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