people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
