Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize