Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize