So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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