yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
