I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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