There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You left your phone here
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