I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
