Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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