Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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