You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
