so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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