Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
