I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
