My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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