Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
no you cant smoke seaweed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
