I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So many bounce houses so little time
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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