it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What a dumb baby whore.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize