haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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