Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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