you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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