haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You made out with two different species that night
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize