We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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