Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
