I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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