the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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