dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
