I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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