Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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