What a fucking waste of an outfit
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
