Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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