SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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