I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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