Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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