She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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