your parents love me but you hate me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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