I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
