i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
