Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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