Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
