"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I want to walk on stilts...naked
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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